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Sunday, July 4, 2010

Obeast' Death Race 2010!


I was in my local walmart yesterday getting a nice military fade haircut. #1 Clippers on the side, #4 on the top, and some trimming so that it doesn't look too much like a weird bowl cut. Came out o.k. Had a bit of shopping to do, so I grabbed a cart and started to do the personal care section that I always do first, and then headed to the food isles for a few items to get for the holiday today. The store was packed with families of fat people getting triple extra large servings of everything. Enough food to feed normal people for a month, so it should last them the weekend. I hadn't noticed the ugly, obese, usually smelly, motorized cart people, which is highly unusual for our walmart. All of a sudden, a woman began setting up a table and offering free ice cream samples in the large main side isle area. Immediately, the sound of angry bees filled the air. The carts began to descend. It was like a bad Nascar weekend. People jumping out of the way, carts slamming into displays, small children running for their lives. I was glad my sister wasn't there, or any other slow moving people. Real disabled people leaning and pushing their carts slowly along would have been toast. They all tried to do a cart side slide to get in and slurp the gobs of free fat. Glad the ice cream came in little cups so no fingers were lost. The carnage was over in a few minutes, and the carts began to migrate to different areas of the store. Mainly the chip and candy isles. I have learned to park my shopping cart in one area, and walk around picking up stuff and taking it back to the cart. That is the only way to move in and out amoung them. Stealth shopping. I remember when I had my ankle boot from when the truck tried to kill me. I got nicked a few times cause I just couldn't hobble out of the way fast enough. I do wonder if more people BECOME disabled after shopping at walmart than those that began that way......

2 comments:

Ernest said...

Like an amusement park dodge-em!

TerribleTerry said...

I can't imagine if suddenly these folks had to walk through the outdoor market in 100degree heat like most of the world does.